Plan for the Postponed Holiday Trip and Onward to 2016

This week has been chaos with a drawn out illness for our cat resulting in tears and questioned priorities and a postponed holiday trip.  Last night while making a pro/con list of two options I had with respect to the postponed holiday trip, I thought, "At least if we stay here to feed the cat through a tube, the baby can play Jesus in the Christmas pageant."  I can say with certainty that this is a thought I have never had before.  I think if there was a dark humor story in all this, that would be the jumping off point.

In other writing news, one of my New Year's resolutions (which are more Things To Do In January, just like I had Things To Do In December) is to get back to querying.

The complete list looks like this:

• Query
• Finish Draft of Firebird Story
• Sleep Training

Sleep Training, for those of you that don't know, is training the baby to sleep consistently, teaching him to soothe himself back to sleep instead of needing me to sing him progressively questionable lullabies, and breaking him of all the bad habits he's picked up about sleeping on me and sleeping in a swaddler and needing to eat to sleep.  When I think about how much of a nightmare this is going to be, it makes the first two bullet points look easy.  I'm in control of both of those.  I just need to buckle down and do it.

So I have a few prerequisite steps to take before jumping back into querying.  First, I want to re-read my novel and get hyped about it again.  Second, I want a better title.  I have one in mind, but I want to focus in on it and run it past some people.  Third, I want to take another look at my query letter and see how I can make it better.  With this much time away from it, I'm sure something will jump out.

Our holiday trip will be a great time to do these.  It's mostly reading, not a huge time commitment, and I can do them instead of working on my draft of the Firebird story and still make progress.

This Shattered World Review

This week I read This Shattered World by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner.  This is the second book in the Starbound series, which is young adult sci-fi/romance.  The first book, These Broken Stars, was fantastic.  I'm not going to retroactively review that one (even though I should), but in short it ended up with plot points similar to Solaris, but with characters that had believable reactions to those plot points, which was my big (big big big) beef with Solaris.  There was also an amazing space ship crash.  The third book, Their Fractured Light, came out this month, but I have yet to read it.  Stay tuned.

This installment takes place on Avon, whose terraforming process has mysteriously stalled and is generations behind where it should be.  Instead of farmland, it's a big swamp with complete cloud cover that causes problems for all sorts of high tech systems: scans, communication, transportation.  Since they're so far behind on their terraforming, Avon does not have the same status as completed planets.  They don't have representation, they don't have schools outside of story time in a cave, they don't have communications equipment, they can't grow their own food and their supplies are strictly rationed.  This setup would be feasible if this was the state of things for the first round of colonists for a few decades while the terraforming progressed, but it's been generations and the colonists are getting restless.  They form a rebel faction, demanding rights, turning violent, and the military is called it to keep them in check.  On top of any normal tension that would exist when the military comes in, the soldiers keep succumbing to the Fury, a weird quirk of Avon, which makes them momentarily black out and attack anyone near by. 

The world building here is really interesting, and while Avon is flushed out as a fully realized environment hosting different cultures with different histories, motivations, and desires--none of which are black and white--you also get the sense of the greater universe.  Avon, despite its vibrancy (it's funny because it's the least colorful world ever), is a backwater world in the far corner of civilization.  

The different sides of the story are shown really well with two alternating points of view.  There's Flynn, who is one of the rebels, and Lee, who is a captain in the military stationed on Avon.  Not only do we see where their sides are coming from (and they both make such valid points that at times you despair they'll ever come to an agreement), but we also see the ways they disagree with the people on their side.  So it shows all sorts of facets of the situation.

The points of view are really well done in that both characters were equally engaging.  This probably has a lot to do with the non stop action in this book.  Every chapter, something explodes or someone is shot or a building catches fire or some other mayhem.  It really snaps along.

And despite all the action, the characters still managed to grieve, to feel fear, to doubt.  However, they weren't given enough time (what with the fires and explosions) for their emotions to turn melodramatic.

So if you like sci-fi and romance, and enjoy YA pacing, you should check out this series.

This point of view is cramping my style

I'm still chipping away at this story.  It's like digging for freedom with a spoon.

Since I've been writing on my phone so much, and since the Google Docs app on my phone doesn't have the capacity to tell me my word count, I've been setting goal based on the content of what I'll write as opposed to the quantity I'll write.  Mostly I've been writing a scene every day.  Strangely, the few times I've checked on my computer, I've been writing more than 1,000 words a day this way without really noticing or stressing about it.  The end is clear, and I don't have to ask myself, "Have I hit my quota today?  Let's check...Blarg!  I need 37 more words." 

This adjusts the accountability plan I came up with last week.  Instead, I'm back to using HabitRPG, which has changed its name to Habatica in my absence.  There's a lot going on with Habatica, but basically you get gold for doing the things you're supposed to do every day, and you can use that gold to buy armor and weapons that have stats and stuff, but mostly the armor and weapons make you feel more accomplished as your avatar looks cooler and cooler.  When you don't do the things you're supposed to do, you lose health points and eventually die unless you level up first.  Losing health makes me sad, and that's enough accountability for me.  Right now the only things I have to do are write a scene every day and make a blog post on Sunday and Thursday.  I also get some points for reading and listening to podcasts, and lose points if I read too much or listen to too many episodes to the point where I don't write my scene for the day or write my blog post.  Eventually, I'm going to expand this list.

A problem with this story has been stewing for a while, and it raised it's ugly head again yesterday when I got to the scene where the problem becomes a serious issue.  To understand, here's a few fun facts about this story as it exists now. 1. It is from the limited perspective of a single main character.  2. This main character has blackouts, during which he does things, which are progressively more awful.  He doesn't know what he gets up to until people tell him about it later.  The problem is that these summaries of the awful things he did are not nearly as satisfying as it would be to see the events play out.  Not only do I suspect it'll be boring or frustrating for the reader, but I'm also sad that I'm not writing those awesome fight scenes.

So I have a puzzle.  I know I'm going to end up writing fight scenes because I always end up writing fight scenes.  The struggle here is how to include them without jumping into someone else's point of view (which would be weird) or making it kinda cheesy (What if they mind meld and he gets to relive the memories of someone watching him be awful!)

You know, now that I've written it out, it doesn't sound as bad as it did in my head.  The truth is, however I decide to fix this, it's all going to live or die in the execution.

Again, this is not a problem to fix now, because I'm still just drafting at this point.  But I know it's something I'll need to go back and give special attention.  I'll think on it and see if I can find some examples of stories that also encounter this problem.

Bathing the Lion Review

I recently read Bathing the Lion by Jonathan Carroll.  My mom recommended Carroll to me, and a while back I read The Land of Laughs and enjoyed it enough to put a bunch of Carroll's books on my To Read list.  I checked a few weeks ago, and found that Bathing the Lion was available at the library for immediate download.  Score!

I didn't know what I was in for with this one.  Carroll's stuff is all a little weird, but this one was much further down the spectrum of weird, heading into surreal territory. 

It's impossible to tell much about this one without giving away the story's secrets and surprises.  That should tell you a lot right there.  I can't tell you what this book is about, because I didn't know until the end.  I had no idea where it was going.  Every time I thought I knew, I was wrong.  It kept changing what it was about and where it was headed.

At one point, the book is about collecting all of human experience by sampling events from the lives of thousands of people and mooshing those disjointed experiences together into one whole that makes sense.  In a way, this book is like that.  There are mundane back stories presented for each of the characters--little tidbits about their lives, little moments that stuck with them or didn't.  You expect these stories to reappear later, to have an effect on the plot, to mean something.  But they don't.  They're there and then they're gone. 

The same goes with the fantastical components of this novel.  Sometimes the novel is about dreams.  Sometimes it's about "mechanics," a race of super-beings that "fix" things around the cosmos.  How the dreams work, or what things in the dreams mean, or what they need to do with the knowledge they gain from the dreams are never explained.  The mechanics use special tools in their fixes, they present concepts through encoded messages or pictures, they have some sort of culture and traditions and language.  But while I'm fascinated, wanting to know more about all of this, I'm not given more.  I'm given an amuse-bouche of world building, and then it's gone.

So in all this, through most of the novel, it feels like there is just a string of unrelated things happening.  They don't lead from one to another, nor does one event cause the next.  There's a rolly chair that talks to people, AND THEN an elephant shows up, AND THEN someone's on an airplane and puts a lot of effort into drawing a very important picture, AND THEN...time travel?  Okay.  Are we ever going to find out what was up with that elephant?

No.  It's just there.  Chillin'.

But as someone who has come out the other side, the haphazardness of it all does make sense eventually.  The ending is not as satisfying as I would have hoped, but it does make you feel okay that we never found out about that elephant.  It makes you feel okay that everything wasn't wrapped up.

Progress Report 12/7

Remember that great momentum I had at the end of December?  That has collapsed like a wet taco. 

December 1st, I was writing, and I thought to myself, "If the officer lets you, can you ride in the front seat of a police car?"  Last month, if I'd had this question, I would have shrugged, made a mental note to look it up when the draft was done, and moved on with my writing.  But December 1st, I stopped and looked it up.

December 2nd, I thought, "What's that word for when things are inside other things?  It starts with a C?  Geez, this is the worst brain fart."  Last month, if I'd had this question, I would have written, "There was another thing inside that thing," made a mental note to make it more eloquent later, and moved on with my writing.  But December 2nd, I stopped and busted out the thesaurus app, which has been updated since I last looked at it, so I had to tool around on it a bit.

It's now December 7th, and I am behind on my word count goals.

I've come up with a few reasons why that might be.

Reason 1: Excuses Excuses

My son was baptized this weekend.  This in itself wouldn't put me behind on my writing progress, but the grandparents that came into town to witness my baby scream while a paster shouted over him can account for some lost time.  It's hard to write and socialize at the same time, or write and pick someone up from the airport (although waiting in the cell phone lot was time well spent).  I do recognize that this is an excuse, and I could have been more assertive.

Reason 2: The NaNo Drop

It's really weird that the lack of accountability would have such a strong effect on my productivity, but I think it did.  One of the cool things about NaNo is that people can click on my user page and see my progress.  I told everyone I was doing it.  I had to have something to show for that, or people would know that I was slacking.  That makes sense, but the weird part is that I strongly doubt anyone looked at how I was doing.  The accountability was mostly in my head.  But still, when that accountability was taken away, all of a sudden, my motivation took a nose dive.  Absolutely no one would know I was under-preforming, except that I'm writing this blog post to tell you about it.

The other part is that NaNo has that cool graph that showed where I was and showed the red line of where I ought to be.  The site had those stats about average daily words written and how many words I needed to write to stay on track.  There's something really satisfying in getting my words above the line.  There's something really satisfying in making those stats turn green when I hit my daily quota.  Now, the good thing is that this is pretty easy to fix with a spread sheet.  I think I need to do that.

Reason 3: The Psychological

Last week I was "getting to the good part," but now I'm at the good part.  My hero is hitting all the barriers all at once.  Everything is falling apart.  He's cracking and shuddering and about to explode.  And it's emotionally draining.  I need to get into a mindset where I can channel his anxiety, his fear, his stress.  And I am not in the mood.  I don't think it'd be good for me right this second when I'm already stressed about splashing water on my son and stressed about all the violence in the world that just keeps coming and coming.  I don't think it'd be good for me to get in the mindset I need to be in while my son naps on me.  On the other hand, when is a good time to write?  Never.  Might as well do it now.  And also, I've said before that this draft is weirdly emotionless.  So why do I care all of a sudden?  I need to just chug through.

The War of Art Review

I recently finished The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.  This was recommended to the world at large on an episode of NaNoWriPod by Ben. It continues the trend of Ben and I disagreeing with one another.

This is another book about writing (or any other artistic/spiritual endeavor).  It focuses mostly on motivation without using the word "motivation".  Pressfield puts forth a framework that has three main parts.  1. The force that holds us back from completing our endeavors is Resistance, which whispers in your ear about all the reasons you shouldn't work right now. 2. To overcome Resistance you must be a Professional, who shows up every day to work and behaves professionally. 3. Ideas are created by muses in a higher plane of existence, and if we are Professionals we can listen in and transcribe what the muses have to say.  Ideas come through you, not from you. 

This book was not written for me.  That much is obvious in the number of golf anecdotes, the quietly pervasive sexism, and the metaphors about motherhood and childbirth designed by and for someone who has not experienced motherhood and childbirth.  Aside from these more overarching issues, the prose also alienates in more subtle ways.

He asks questions, then assumes how I answered.  "Have you ever worked in an office?"  No.  "Then you know about Monday morning status meetings."
Well, I do know about those, but I guess you're talking to the guy standing behind me right now.  I'll just wait out this passage until you move on and maybe address me again.

This is a shame since the main idea of this passage is interesting and something I could use.  His idea here is that, when you are writing Professionally, you should run your own status meeting with yourself.  What do I need to do this week? What do I need to do to get that done?  How can I improve?  I've basically been doing that this month with the weekly NaNo updates, even though those focus on looking back at the previous week rather than looking ahead to the next week.  But even though this is an idea that resonates with me, it's hidden under jabs that turn me off.

Sometimes he'll be in the middle of making an interesting, useful point and--suddenly!--spew bullshit everywhere!  It's like going for a nice walk and--scwelch!--dog shit, or--splat!--bird shit.  It threw me completely out of whatever he's saying.

"Attention Deficit Disorder, Seasonal Affect Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder.  These aren't diseases, they're marketing ploys."  Bullshit!  "...Woman learns she has cancer, six months to live.  Within days she quits her job, resumes the dream of writing Tex-Mex songs she gave up to raise a family." You couldn't look up the word Tejano?  That's bullshit.  Also bullshit: the way he talks about raising families.  For example.  "Tolstoy had thirteen kids and wrote War and Peace." ...Seriously?  Ugh.  Just...stop.

These seem like little nit-picky things, and in the grand scheme of things they are.  The real trouble I have with this book is much deeper.

The way he describes various aspects of Resistance can be useful.  They're concepts I've heard before using different vocabulary.  Resistance is entirely internal; no one can force you to not work on your project.  Resistance is strongest at the very end of a project.  The amount of Resistance you face is proportional to how much you love the project because you'll be more afraid of failure and more likely to make excuses to not experience that failure.  If you give in to Resistance one day, Resistance will be twice as strong the next day.

Most interestingly, he talks about how Resistance is sneaky.  The arguments it makes for not working are all perfectly reasonable.  Resisatance doesn't want you to be able to identify it and say, "oh, hey, this is Resisatance and I should ignore it."

When I began this book, Resistance almost beat me.  This is the form it took.  It told me (the voice in my head) that I was a writer of fiction, not nonfiction, and that I shouldn't be exposing these concepts of Resistance literally and overtly; rather, I should incorporate them metaphorically into a novel...Resistance also told me that I shouldn't seek to instruct, or put myself forward as a purveyor of wisdom; that this was vain, egotistical, possibly even corrupt, and that it would work to harm me in the end.  That scared me.  It made a lot of sense.

I've experienced this before, where I started to doubt a project and thought to rework parts of it to the detriment of the work and my sense of self-worth.  However, I've also had doubts about a project where I reworked it to the betterment of the project.  He doesn't talk about how to tell the difference.

He says that Resistance is in fact so sneaky, that whatever reason you have for not working is just Resistance disguising itself in reasonable clothing.  You have no excuse.  The reason you're putting it off is because you're not a Professional.

Now, I take issue with that.  I'm letting my family take priority over my writing because my family has priority over my writing.  Is that really letting Resistance win?  I guess so, because it sounds reasonable and is keeping me from my work.  Does this make me not a Professional?  Yep!

It's this all or nothing mentality that I find the true problem here.  There's no room for slack.  No room for forgiveness.  You beat back Resistance or fall prey to it.  You're a Professional or an over-emotional loser.  This is really dangerous thinking, because in all or nothing, the vast majority of the time you'll be in the "nothing" category.

And I think that's why my earlier pet peeves bother me so much.  This book put me in all or nothing mode, so if parts of it ticked me off, then the whole thing must tick me off.

NaNo Review

I consider this National Novel Writing Month a success, even if the official website doesn't.  I hit my goal of 30,000 words.  I stayed confident and compassionate.  And, most importantly, I established some good routines that work with my new lifestyle.

I missed a few days in there.  Thanksgiving happened and so did some other day where I had no time and then got too tired.  I logged onto the site to see I was 2,000 words behind plus the thousand for the day, and I set about making it up.  "I can do it," I said.  "I'm amazing!"  I then proceeded to not do it.  I made my daily 1,000 word goal, but 3,000 was not going to happen.  "Tomorrow," I said.  "I'll do it tomorrow.  I haven't lost any ground."  The next day I didn't do it either.  The day after that I got frustrated.  "Would I still be happy with myself if I changed my goal to 28,000 words?"  No.  I wouldn't.  "Well, okay.  Let's accept that this deficit exists.  If I spread it out over the remaining days, how much to I have to write every day to hit the 30,000 word goal in the days I have left?"  Turned out it was 1,666.  (Or close enough.  It was like 1,672.)  "You mean the NaNo word goal that everyone else is doing?"  Yep.  "Wow!  I can do that.  I'm amazing!"

Turned out that the timing worked out really well.  With Thanksgiving, my husband had a few days at home and decided he was going to take over the baby's afternoon nap.  Maybe the baby would sleep in his bassinet if someone other than me put him there.  Worth a shot.  Turns out he won't sleep in his bassinet, even if someone other than me puts him there.  However, he ended up sleeping on my husband instead of on me, giving me nap time with both hands free and a couple hours to write.

I won't bore you with more news on my baby's clinginess or his terrible napping habits. 

I will tell you that after that day of frustration--a definite low point for the month--I came back strong.  And not just in terms of word count.  The writing also improved.  I've been asking myself why this is.  I'm definitely getting to "the good part" where things start to fall apart for our hero.  Scenes are more dramatic, more lyrical, more emotional.  But I don't know why the emotion was completely absent in earlier scenes and here now.  It is supposed to get more dramatic, but not by that much. 

It could be that the middle of my story is saggy, and now that I'm getting into the home stretch, where instead of setting up the dominoes like I was earlier, I'm now knocking them down.  The prose flows, the word count comes faster, it's easier to tap into the emotion.

It could also be that I've been painfully out of practice.  My writing muscles had all atrophied and it took three and a half weeks of NaNo for me to build back some muscle.

I don't know, but I need to keep this momentum rolling into December.  The plan is to keep up this pace of 1,000 words a day until I leave for my holiday road trip.  At that point, I'll reassess how much I want to write during the trip.