I wrote again this time. Our theme was "frenemies" and we ended up with three male actors, the idea of showing how guys can also have frenemy relationships, and the idea that we could subvert tropes about masculine friendships. Coming out of our initial, brief brainstorming session, I was terrified that I had no idea how to do this in the time given and that these guys were all going to think I was an idiot. Also, I was trying to do too much in a ten minute play and have it all have an emotional kick. But in the end, I just sucked it up and wrote my ideas, and it came out to 10 pages, and I decided that would have to do.
And it worked! I don't think I captured completely what our group was going for, but I gave them a foundation and then the guys accomplished it with their body language and the staging. They took these parts and made them full characters. They made a meal of this script. It was amazing, and I felt so awed and relieved.
The plays were recorded, and will be up on the YouTube page at some point in the future, at which point, I'll put the video up here. (Speaking of which, the post about the last play I wrote, "Put a Ring on It," has bee edited to include the video.)
Below the cut is my script for the lazily titled play, "The Snake." Enjoy
THE SNAKE
SETTING:
We are in an apartment, with a sofa or
three chairs lines up next to each other. The cords of three video
game controllers run towards the audience.
AT
RISE:
EVAN, BEN and DEREK sit on the sofa, each
holding a controller and mashing buttons. Their eyes are focused
forward as if watching a TV. They all lean to the left as if they
were racing cars in their game and leaning into a turn. Then they
all right themselves.
EVAN
So.
How's the snake?
DEREK
She's
good. Really, you know, long.
BEN
And
fat.
DEREK
Yeah,
she's pretty fat right now. She had kind of a big meal so she's
sleepy. I wasn't really expecting that.
BEN
No
one was expecting you to get a snake.
DEREK
I
meant I didn't think that she'd be so lazy. I thought she'd be
pretty cool, and she'd slither around and hang out with us and be fun
at parties. Maybe I could teach her some tricks. Like fetch.
BEN
Oh
God.
EVAN
You
thought you could teach the snake to fetch?
DEREK
Well,
not right away. I didn't think it'd be easy. Maybe with some time.
After she gets done digesting Ben's cat.
(BEN turns from the TV to glare at DEREK.
It takes DEREK a few beats to notice.)
DEREK
Right.
We're not talking about the cat. Ben's still all touchy.
BEN
rolls his eyes and turns back to the TV. They all lean to the right,
then right themselves.
BEN
Are
you still doing your plagiarism thing?
EVAN
My
small business of producing academic essays? Yeah. Why? You need
one?
BEN
Just
wondering if you'd grown a conscience yet. How's it going?
EVAN
Great.
Last week I got contracts for five term papers, someone's senior
thesis, and a sixth grade book report. I guess midterms just passed
and everybody's freaking out.
DEREK
That's
neat.
EVAN
Yeah.
And I'm awesome at it. Bullshitting is my main skill and now I find
out it's marketable. It's like my destiny.
DEREK
It's
nice you've found your calling.
EVAN
Thanks,
dude.
(All lean to the right, then right
themselves.)
DEREK
So,
How was your mom's funeral?
BEN
Oh
fuck you!
DEREK
What?
I was just—
EVAN
Dude,
drop it. Drop it now.
(Awkward pause.)
DEREK
Sorry
I didn't go. But your family doesn't like me. Didn't want to make
things awkward.
BEN
The
awkwardness wouldn't have been your fault.
EVAN
Yeah,
no one would have even noticed you were there.
DEREK
Sorry
I missed it then. Can we have some of the casserole that your aunt
brought?
BEN
Go
for it.
(DEREK exits.)
EVAN
Dude,
his snake ate your cat?
BEN
Yes.
EVAN
That
sucks.
BEN
Why
the hell did he get that snake?
EVAN
To
go on walks to the park and take it to dog shows?
(BEN groans.)
Did
it...have a cat shaped bulge?
BEN
Yes.
It had a freaking pure-bread show-cat shaped bulge.
EVAN
Wow.
BEN
That
cat had papers! And, like, dietary restrictions. And all these
fussy grooming brushes.
EVAN
It's
weird that your mom left you a show cat.
(BEN grunts in assent.)
It's
even more weird that that's all she left you. Your mom was
kinda—Anyway, I'm sorry that snake ate the last thing you had to
remember your mom, even if it was a prissy cat.
(DEREK enters. He sits back down and
picks up his controller.)
DEREK
That
casserole smelled funny.
BEN
Did
you throw it out?
DEREK
I
put it back in the fridge. You might not think it smells, and I
don't want to throw out your casserole.
BEN
If
it smells funny, I don't want to eat it.
DEREK
Maybe
the snake will want to eat it.
BEN
Oh,
I bet it will.
DEREK
Great!
They
all lean back, as if trying to pull up on an airplane in their game.
BEN
Now
I'm thinking about the casserole.
(BEN exits.)
DEREK
I
guess he's still mad about his mom's will.
EVAN
What
do you think?
DEREK
I
think it sucks.
EVAN
It
sucks a lot.
(They lean to the left, then right
themselves.)
DEREK
It's
really weird though, right? Do you know why she gave her fortune to
you and gave him a cat?
EVAN
No!
Dude, I wish I did. It's creepy. I don't want my best friend's mom
thinking about me on her death bed. I don't want her saying that I'm
like the son she never had. I don't want to be her son. She has a
son. He's a cool guy when he's not pissed off at me, but guess what?
Now he's pissed at me forever!
DEREK
He's
pretty sure you slept with her or something.
EVAN
Eww.
(Pause.) You're talking about me behind my back?
DEREK
No.
EVAN
I
don't know why she gave me the money. I guess she thought I was
funny and charming or something. I can't help that. The guy's mad
at me because I'm funny and charming. How is that fair?
DEREK
It
is your destiny.
EVAN
Exactly.
Maybe she gave it to me because I'm doing something with my life,
you know? I mean my business is taking off, and I bought a suit last
month, and I got a gym membership.
(BEN enters. He takes his seat and picks
up his controller.)
BEN
The
casserole was gross. I threw it out.
DEREK
We
weren't talking about you.
(BEN looks away from the TV.)
BEN
What
the hell?!
DEREK
What?
We weren't.
(BEN turns to EVAN.)
BEN
I'm
gone for twenty seconds to get some casserole that's too gross
smelling to eat and you start bad mouthing me?
DEREK
I
knew it smelled bad.
EVAN
We
weren't bad mouthing you, Jesus.
BEN
No,
you were just spouting some bullshit and getting this dumbass to
agree with you, because you can get anyone to agree to anything.
EVAN
What's
that supposed to mean?
DEREK
You
know what it means.
EVAN
Yeah,
it means that you're a little cry baby who won't get the fuck over
it.
BEN
Get
over it?
EVAN
You're
mourning. We get it. But you keep blaming me for your shit.
(BEN stands, throwing down his
controller.)
BEN
(Shouting.)
Half my shit is your fault. The other half is his and his stupid
snake. My mom died! Why can't you be a decent human being about it
for ten minutes?
(EVAN stands, getting in BEN's face.)
EVAN
Because
she was awful! Why can't you see it's not my fault? It's hers. She
sucked.
(DEREK stands and throws his controller
down too.)
DEREK
And
why does no one like my snake?
BEN
The
snake you pawned our fucking TV to buy?
(BEN waves the controller so the end of
the cord flails around.)
These
aren't even plugged in. What are we even doing here? I'm so sick of
sitting around with you two, pretending to play video games. I don't
even like you guys.
DEREK
(Surprised.)
You...don't like us?
EVAN
That's
really hurtful.
BEN
It's
the truth. You guys don't like me either.
DEREK
Not
when you're being mean like this.
EVAN
We
like you. That's why we want you to fell better. Less angsty. We
want you to hate us less. You should hate yourself less too.
DEREK
You
should pet the snake.
BEN
What?
DEREK
The
snake. She's snuggly. Especially now that she's all sleepy. It'll
cheer you right up. Plus our game is already paused.
(DEREK gestures at the fallen
controllers.)
BEN
The
snake that ate my cat?
DEREK
Yeah.
Now it's like the snake is the last thing you have left of your mom.
They
consider.
BEN
Okay.
EVAN
Okay?
(BEN nods.)
DEREK
Okay!
(They head towards the exit.)
See? She's pretty good. You'll like her once you get to know her.
Maybe you can pick out her next trick.
BEN
How
about “sleep”?
EVAN
Good
one.
(They exit. End
of Scene.)
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