(Written instead of "Helping Your Child Cope with Back-to-School Anxiety")
School is starting
again! Do you have your cute outfit and hair accessories picked out?
Have you called your friends to find out if you have the same lunch?
Do you have 8 sharpened #2 pencils and the requisite number of
binders? Good job! That's 10% of the battle, and 10% of all your
anxieties set to rest.
But what if senpai
doesn't notice you this year?!
He's so dreamy.
With his hair and his eyes. You really want to touch his hair. I
bet it's softer than it looks. And you could get lost in his eyes.
There are untold depths there of all the things you don't know about
him. And his smile—that secret one, just for you, that he gave you
in the hallway that one time. He's so nice and smart and funny. I
bet he'd be even more nice and smart and funny once you get around to
having a conversation with him about his favorite bands and snack food
and tragic back story. It's a very tragic back story. You can
soothe his pain with your love. And then get
married.
If only he would
notice you. But alas. He probably doesn't know your name. Or that
you're meant to be together.
It's tragic and
stressful suffering through your unrequited love. But good news!
Here are some tips for winning him over.
- Make sure your outfit is super cute. Cute first-day-of-school outfits have a direct correlation with popularity.
- Trip and fall on him. Surefire way to get his attention. Maybe he'll help you pick up your scattered books. Maybe he'll tell you that your skinned knee looks painful and his eyebrows will furrow with concern. Your heart might explode. Bring a paper bag to breathe into as soon as he picks you up off the floor and leaves with his friends.
- Talk to him. Haha. No. Just kidding.
- Check out his friend. He's such a jerk. So rude. You can't stand him and yet you know all about him and you can bicker with him for hours. Spoiler for next spring: he's the love of your life. Move on sooner rather than later.
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